Divorce is a very sensitive subject because a lot of people don’t expect to go through a divorce, when they’re at the altar, and they’re saying “I do” to their spouse, they know deep down in their hearts, that they’re doing the right thing. And then later on in life, they realize that it wasn’t the right thing, or that it didn’t work out.
A Lack of Appreciation
When a couple decides to get married, they believe deep down in their hearts, that they know enough about the person that they’re married to. They believe that they understand their occupation, their needs, they understand exactly where this person wants to go. But what tends to happen is that the couple takes life for granted.
Eventually, they start living together for a while, and they find themselves just running into each other, they find themselves butting heads, they find themselves conflicting on so many different interests, which causes them to move away from each other, which causes them to appreciate each other less, which causes them to even separate a little bit. Because the fact is that so many people have the need to be appreciated, including married couples, you see, everyone wants to feel important, they want to feel needed, they want to feel like they belong, they want to feel like they’re doing the right thing.
Whenever a person feels underappreciated, or unappreciated at all, they tend to neglect the issues, they tend to take side shots, they tend to insult their spouse, or even ignore their spouse, because they don’t feel the appreciation at all. And that forces them to look in other places where they can find their appreciation. That’s why so many people commit adultery because they find someone else outside that relationship that shows them all this appreciation that complements their hair, or compliments or body, or compliments their style, which is something that they haven’t seen in a while.
The second reason why most people divorce is because they have different goals. Look, when people get married, they go to the altar, and they say “I do, I will be with you together forever, like salt and pepper. I’ll do whatever it takes to live my life so I can help you to achieve your goals,” but the problem is that they never set any goals.
They never made a plan for their life. So they don’t know exactly what it is that they’re pursuing. They say they’re gonna go after all these goals, but they don’t know exactly what those goals are. And that’s a problem. Now when a couple starts to lift together, they start talking, they start realizing that they have goals. Now sometimes they may have separate goals and separate ambitions and separate desires. And sometimes those desires aren’t communicated. Or maybe they’re miscommunicated. The couple ends up getting so frustrated, they realized that they’re not even in the same book. They’re not even in the same library. They’re not even in the same house.
And so what I’m telling you is that you need to create a plan of action, you need to make sure that the person that you want to marry is a person that’s going to help you to reach your highest goals. Now, if you find yourself being a little selfish, and you hold this person back from achieving their goals, then that’s your problem. And you’ve got to figure out what you can do, to start helping them to reach their goals. Now, if you’re the one that’s leading this relationship, you need to bring your spouse on board. Instead of it being your goals, it needs to be our goals. You need to bring the two people together so that you can achieve everything that you want to do for the rest of your
The third reason why most people get a divorce is because of finances. Now, this is one of the most important reasons because so many people don’t understand how their money works. Sometimes people even have separate bank accounts, which to me is quite appalling. Of course, this is not to be against people who have separate accounts. But if you say “I do” to the person you’re marrying, then you should have the same money. No one should have an allowance or a limited amount of money that they should spend. But you should agree on certain terms on certain things that you want to accomplish with the money that you have. That means that you have to constantly communicate, and even over-communicate your needs when it comes to financial matters.
Now, speaking of financial matters, you have to make sure that money is allocated to the right places at the right time in the right ways. Because of this friction begins to happen with your money, then your spouse may lose hope. They may even feel like they’re losing control. And they may be diverted from the plan of action that you have originally planned.
Another important thing when it comes to finances is your mentality. Because if you want to change your reality, you got to change your mentality, you got to change the way you think about money. Once you make sure your goals are completely aligned so that your money will grow.
The fourth reason why most people divorce is because of miscommunication, or no communication at all. You see, just because you live with someone doesn’t mean that you’re communicating with them all the time, or doesn’t mean that you’re communicating with them in the right way. A lot of times in a marital relationship, it’s a lot of nonverbal communication. It’s the slamming of the door, the back of the plates, the foot-stomping, you might be here upstairs, because of how your spouse might feel about you. You have to make sure that you communicate with your spouse because this is the most important relationship in your life. You can’t neglect it, you can’t say that your boss is more important, or your friends are more important.
When the person that you live with is not happy with the current circumstance, a lot of times people think, “oh, I’ve communicated with my spouse, but she doesn’t get it, or he will never understand, or he is just not supportive.” Your spouse will understand if you learn how to communicate more effectively if you communicate in love if you show them in terms that they understand, not in terms that you understand.
If you’re a logical person, and you’re trying to speak to an emotional person, that might not work: you have to become emotional with that person. Or vice versa, if you’re emotional, but the person that you want to talk with is a very logical person, you might have to become a more logical reason there. You have to understand exactly how that person thinks, and start coming up with reasons why they need to make the changes that they might need to make. So when it comes to communicating with your spouse, make sure the timing is right. Make sure your tone is correct. Make sure that you’re sharing the message in love so that they can understand exactly what you mean.
If a couple decides to get divorce, they need the help of divorce mediator or a lawyer who can help them with legalization and application.
The fifth reason why most people divorce is because of selfishness. These people are straight-up selfish, they don’t reciprocate. They don’t care. They don’t love you as much as they say they do. They don’t compromise. They don’t do anything to show that they are in a marital relationship.
Now, if you’re dealing with a very selfish person, there’s not much you can do besides communicate your needs over and over again, you have to understand that they will need a reality check. But you can’t force it. You can’t hope that they’re going to get hit by a bus or that they’re going to get sick, or someday they’re going to die. Because that will cause you a path of negative thinking. You don’t want to think like that. You don’t ever want to have those thoughts about a person that you love and so many people fall into this negative way of thinking that they end up forgetting about how important their relationship actually is. They end up losing sight of who they are because they become so cynical about the selfish person that they’re dealing with.
Now, if you’re a selfish person, then you need to make changes right now. Let go of your ego, and go to your spouse and apologize, do something that will make them happy, do something that they’ve been asking for a long time. It’s not always easy to realize if you’re a selfish person, but you need to go up to your spouse and ask them on a scale of one to 1010 being the highest, what’s our relationship right now. And if they say anything less than a 10, then you’ve got to realize that there’s some fixing to do, you’ve got to make those changes. And you’ve got to do whatever it takes to make sure that that relationship is a 10 out of 10.